If I Live Read online

  PRAISE FOR TERRI BLACKSTOCK

  “If I Live is a grabber from page one, delivering an exhilarating mix of chase, mystery, and spiritual truth. Longtime Blackstock fans will be delighted, and new Blackstock fans will be made.”

  —James Scott Bell, bestselling author of the Mike Romeo thrillers

  “Emotions, tensions, and suspense all run high in this fast-paced, edge-of-your-seat thriller. The continuing storyline in Blackstock’s If I Run series keeps readers hungrily devouring each new book and waiting impatiently for the next. Romance and faith elements, as well as a focus on PTSD, are slightly more overt in this sequel than its predecessor, enhancing the story even further.”

  —RT Book Reviews, 4½ stars, TOP PICK! on If I’m Found

  “With nimble use of alternating viewpoints, Blackstock has delivered a fine follow-up to If I Run that ratchets up the tension for the final installment.”

  —Publishers Weekly on If I’m Found

  “Crisp dialogue and unexpected twists make this compulsive reading, and a final chapter cliffhanger leaves things poised for a sequel.”

  —Publishers Weekly on If I Run

  “A fast-paced, thoroughly mesmerizing thriller, If I Run offers distinct Christian undertones. Though not preachy, this layering adds to the complexity of this suspenseful novel. An enthralling read with an entirely unexpected conclusion makes the reader question if a sequel could be in the works.”

  —NY Journal of Books

  “Few writers do mystery/suspense better than Terri Blackstock, so I leaped at the opportunity to read her latest If I Run . . . Needless to say, when Book Two comes out, there will be no ‘if’ about it. I’ll run to get in line.”

  —Love & Faith in Fiction

  “If I Run is a gripping suspense novel. Both of the central characters are very appealing, engaging the reader . . . The tension is palpable throughout and doesn’t let up until the very end . . . highly recommended.”

  —Mysterious Reviews

  “Blackstock’s newest novel, If I Run, is the best suspense novel I’ve read in decades. Boiling with secrets, nail-biting suspense, and exquisitely developed characters, it’s a story that grabs hold and never lets go. Read this one. Run to get it! It’s that good.”

  —Colleen Coble, USA Today

  bestselling author of Mermaid Moon

  and the Hope Beach series

  “The exciting and heart-pounding conclusion to Blackstock’s Moonlighters trilogy is quite a thrill ride. The intrigue and danger come to a dramatic culmination as the villain gets backed into a corner.”

  —Romantic Times on Twisted Innocence

  “Blackstock fans will be drawn to this third novel in the Moonlighters series with its themes of forgiveness and second chances. While being able to be read as standalone fiction, readers will enjoy a richer character understanding having read the previous books.”

  —CBA Retailers + Resources on Twisted Innocence

  “The second book in Blackstock’s Moonlighters series starts off with a frightening incident and is filled with action from that point forward. A multilayered story of deception, greed, and secrets unravels at a perfect pace to keep readers interested and entertained.”

  —RT Book Reviews, 4-star review of Distortion

  “Blackstock has such a way with characters that they can get away with almost anything—like being part of a family with an unreasonably high body count—and still manage to be believable. Distortion is a good suspense novel but more than that it brings up a number of attitudes and actions that will have readers examining their own thought patterns and values.”

  —Crosswalk.com

  “Crisp prose, an engaging story, and brisk pacing make this thriller another home run for Blackstock. Recommend it to readers who enjoy material by Lynette Eason and Erin Healy.”

  —Library Journal, starred review of Downfall

  “A story rich with texture and suspense, this family murder mystery unfolds with fast pacing, a creepy clown murder suspect, and threatening blog visitor to boot.”

  —Publishers Weekly on Truth Stained Lies

  “The Restoration series comes to a dramatic end. Blackstock is absolutely masterful at bringing spiritual dilemmas to the surface and allowing readers to wrestle with them alongside her characters. This is a fitting conclusion to this unique series.”

  —RT Book Reviews, 4½-star review of Dawn’s Light

  “Good writing, well-honed descriptive details, compelling characters, and a conclusion that doesn’t succumb to pat answers keep the pages turning, making this an engaging novel for fans of Christian nail-biters.”

  —Publishers Weekly on Cape Refuge

  “Blackstock’s superior writing will keep readers turning pages late into the night to discover the identity of the culprit in this amazing mystery. The unique setting and peek into the Nashville music scene are fascinating. Suspense lovers are in for a delightful treat.”

  —RT Book Reviews, 4½-star review, TOP PICK! on

  Double Minds, 2009 Nomination for Best Inspirational Novel

  “Drawn in from the first line, my heart ached for Kara, Lizzie, and their moving story. The satisfying end didn’t stop the lingering sadness, as there’s so much more to this novel than just the life of two little girls and the wounds that should never have been. Ms. Blackstock tactfully and skillfully deals with the undesirable traits of her characters (promiscuity and subsequent abortion, which are briefly mentioned). The book is so well written it is hard to believe it’s just fiction!”

  —RT Book Reviews, 4-star review of Covenant Child

  BOOKS BY TERRI BLACKSTOCK

  IF I RUN SERIES

  1 If I Run

  2 If I’m Found

  3 If I Live

  THE MOONLIGHTERS SERIES

  1 Truth Stained Lies

  2 Distortion

  3 Twisted Innocence

  THE RESTORATION SERIES

  1 Last Light

  2 Night Light

  3 True Light

  4 Dawn’s Light

  THE INTERVENTION SERIES

  1 Intervention

  2 Vicious Cycle

  3 Downfall

  THE CAPE REFUGE Series

  1 Cape Refuge

  2 Southern Storm

  3 River’s Edge

  4 Breaker’s Reef

  NEWPOINTE 911

  1 Private Justice

  2 Shadow of Doubt

  3 Word of Honor

  4 Trial by Fire

  5 Line of Duty

  THE SUN COAST CHRONICLES

  1 Evidence of Mercy

  2 Justifiable Means

  3 Ulterior Motives

  4 Presumption of Guilt

  SECOND CHANCES

  1 Never Again Good-bye

  2 When Dreams Cross

  3 Blind Trust

  4 Broken Wings

  WITH BEVERLY LAHAYE

  1 Seasons Under Heaven

  2 Showers in Season

  3 Times and Seasons

  4 Season of Blessing

  NOVELLAS

  Seaside

  The Listener (formerly The Heart Reader)

  The Heart Reader of Franklin High

  The Gifted

  The Gifted Sophomores

  OTHER BOOKS

  Shadow in Serenity

  Predator

  Double Minds

  Soul Restoration: Hope

  for the Weary

  Emerald Windows

  Miracles (The Listener / The Gifted)

  Covenant Child

  Sweet Delights

  Chance of Loving You

  ZONDERVAN

  If I Live

  Copyright © 2018 by Terri Blackstock

  Requests for information should be addressed to:
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  Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49546

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  * * *

  Names: Blackstock, Terri, 1957- author.

  Title: If I live / Terri Blackstock.

  Description: Grand Rapids, Michigan : Zondervan, [2018] | Series: If I run ; 3 Identifiers: LCCN 2017034904 | ISBN 9780310332541 (trade paper)

  Subjects: | BISAC: FICTION / Christian / Suspense. | GSAFD: Mystery fiction. | Suspense fiction.

  Classification: LCC PS3552.L34285 I33 2018 | DDC 813/.54--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017034904

  * * *

  ISBN: 978-0-310-33255-8 (library edition)

  Epub Edition January 2018 ISBN 9780310332572

  All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

  Any Internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers in this book are offered as a resource. They are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

  Publisher’s Note: This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. All characters are fictional, and any similarity to people living or dead is purely coincidental.

  Interior design: Lori Lynch

  Printed in the United States of America

  * * *

  18 19 20 21 22 / LSC / 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  This book is lovingly dedicated to the Nazarene.

  Contents

  Praise for Terri Blackstock

  Books by Terri Blackstock

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  A Note from the Author

  Acknowledgments

  Discussion Questions

  About the Author

  1

  CASEY

  Fried rice isn’t worth dying for.

  I never should have come inside. I should have stuck with fast food so I could use the drive-thru, order into the box, and get my food through a window. But I needed to use the restroom and wash my face after hours on the road, and I was sick to death of burgers, fries, and salads. I stopped at a Chinese restaurant nestled within this shopping center, figuring not many diners would be here this time of day. The lights are usually dim in Chinese places, so with my long brown wig and the glasses I’m wearing to hide my eyes, I thought I could pull it off. But the media has shown multiple sketches of how I might be disguised.

  The circular booth in the corner is full of college students. A girl looks at me, then whispers to her friend, and now everyone at the table is staring at me. One of them gets on the phone.

  Trying to look calm, I amble toward the front door. The waitress runs after me. “Food almost ready!”

  “I’ll be right back,” I say, though I have no intention of returning.

  Outside, I hurry up the sidewalk. I reach for a door to the anchor store and glance back. Two of the girls have darted out of the restaurant and are talking animatedly on their phones. I glance toward my car. I can’t get back to it now. If those girls see me get into it, the police will know what I’m driving, and I’ll have to get a different one. I’m running too low on cash. I couldn’t have gotten this one without Dylan’s help.

  I go into the department store and look around for somewhere to hide. In the back corner of the store, I see the sign for the fitting rooms. I slip through the door and find an empty dressing room with a door that locks. I lock myself in and sit on the bench to catch my breath for a minute, my mind racing through options.

  The college girls saw me enter this store. Any minute now the police will be here and I’ll be arrested. My heart pounds, and the sutures on my shoulder feel like they’re ripping. I wonder if they’re getting infected. I readjust my sling, but then I realize it’s a dead giveaway. It may even be how the students spotted me. I take it off and stuff it into my bag.

  I also pull off my wig and pull my dyed black hair up into a ponytail. Keeping my arm close to my ribs, I find my baseball cap in my bag and pull it on, ponytail through the back, and take off my glasses. I shrug off my outer blouse, leaving only a tank top beneath it. I shove my sunglasses on and consider myself in the mirror. I do look different than I did five minutes ago.

  Fatigue weighs me down—probably from blood loss when I was shot a few days ago—but I have to keep moving. I hang my purse strap over my good shoulder, then pile the clothes hanging in the dressing room over my arm as a prop. Never mind that they don’t fit me or look like anyone in my generation would wear them. I just need to look like a normal shopper until I can get out the back door.

  I venture out of the dressing room, careful with my wounded arm. Feigning interest in a sale rack, I glance around for the girls. I don’t see them, so I look out the front window. I see a blue light flashing. They’re here.

  I head toward the back, hoping I can find a door somewhere. There’s a swinging door with a sign that says “Employees Only,” and I drop the clothes hanging over my arm and push into the back room. I hurry past boxes and racks of clothing, a broom closet and a mop bucket, and an employee bathroom. I see a back door for deliveries.

  I open it and look both ways up the alley. There’s no police car here yet. No one is out here.

  I cross the alley and walk, as weak and winded as a heart patient, through a patch of woods that takes me uphill until I have a view of the parking lot. I sit on a stump behind a cluster of trees, watching the college kids talking to the cops and taking selfies with police cars in the background. This will be all over social media within twenty minutes. Cable news will pick it up, and maybe even network news. This town is ruined for me now. I have to leave.

  I keep walking through the trees. On the other side of the woods, I come out in a bad area. There are men loitering on corners and lightly clad women approaching cars stalled in tr
affic.

  I see a girl with a curly blonde wig on, wider than her small shoulders. I’ve had black hair, brunette, blonde . . . I’ve had a red wig, a blonde wig, a brown wig. None of them have had frizzy curls. No one would be looking for that.

  I walk down the hill through the trees and wait for the girl to come back to the cracked sidewalk. “Excuse me,” I say. “Can I talk to you?”

  She looks like she’s too busy for me, so I add, “There’s money in it.”

  I have her attention now, so she turns to me. “What is it, honey?”

  “I like your hair. Is it a wig?”

  “Yeah,” she says, touching it. “Thanks.”

  “I wondered if I could buy it off of you.”

  The woman laughs. “What? You want to buy my hair?”

  “I’ll give you two hundred cash.”

  She hesitates. “Four.”

  “Two fifty.”

  She huffs. “I paid a lot for it. I’m not just giving it away.”

  “Okay,” I say, digging for my wallet. “Three hundred. Take it or leave it.”

  She sees my other wig in my bag. “What, do you collect wigs or something?”

  “Yeah, it’s kind of my thing. I’m an actress.”

  She grins and takes her hair off, revealing short-cropped brown hair with blonde highlights. She could be a soccer mom with that look. She ruffles it so it doesn’t look so flattened and reaches for the cash. “I really liked this wig,” she mutters.

  “Surely you can get another one for a lot less, right?”

  “I wouldn’t sell it if I couldn’t.”

  “Thanks,” I say. “I really appreciate it.”

  I take the wig and stuff it into my purse, which is full to the brim, and when the girl turns away, I go back into the woods. I dust it off, inside and out, then put it on. It feels big and floppy. I look into my phone and see that it doesn’t really look that bad. I actually kind of like it. With my sunglasses on, I don’t think anyone would guess it was me.

  I sit on the ground for a while, wishing I had gotten my food before I had to run. I’m starving, but it’ll be a while before I can eat.

  After a couple of hours, I need to use the facilities again. I go back through the woods to where the wig lady worked the street and see a convenience store with barred windows. I go in and try the bathroom door, but it’s locked, so I have to ask for a key. They have a TV on behind the register, and I already see my face and the footage of me in the restaurant. They’re warning people that I’m in the area, and that I may be armed and dangerous.